Above all, none of us has any control over the unimaginably vast commercial
interests ranged against us, advertising and selling directly to children
and to the adults who buy for them.
In theory parents can replace mass children's culture and commerce with
interests, activities, possessions and values of their own, not by
forbidding the peer-group’s activities or debunking its values but by
displacing them.
If too much time in front of screens means too little time reading, the
reverse is also true.
Parents who fill the house with books and read avidly constantly read to
themselves as well as to their children can make them so passionate about
reading that they’ll have less time for social networking or computer games.
Weekends spent back-packing with adults can similarly cut down the time
available for hanging out at the mall with peers.
In practice, though, it is not as easy as it sounds.
The special children's world of care, education and entertainment is not only
what is easily available to children, it is also what is easily available to
parents for their children.
Doing things differently takes time and effort and often money too, and
individual efforts alone can never be enough.
Our society is so inimical to children that raising the quality of childhood
would mean huge changes in social attitudes and practices.
First and foremost it would mean action for parents.
Most people want to be self-respecting, solvent citizens and good parents but
find conflict between the two at every level: from the everyday experience
of individuals striving for a balance between working and caring, through
the social institutions that isolate rather than integrate the public and
personal aspects of life, to an overall "social ethos" of individualism and
competition.
That ethos is inhospitable to all personal caring roles because caring always
demands a sharing, even a subsuming of self.
It is especially inhospitable to parenting because having even one child puts
a woman at a disadvantage, cutting her expected lifetime income by two
thirds, whether she takes time out of work to care for that child herself or
money from her earnings to pay someone else to do so.
And that’s not all: Parents also have to meet both the direct costs of
feeding, clothing and maintaining a child and the indirect costs - such as
different housing and the missed earning opportunities caused by competing
demands for their attention and their time - of a parenting lifestyle.
As the economic climate worsens, cuts deepen and the ring-fencing around
family friendly services such as children’s centres is dismantled, it is
parents, especially mothers, who are bearing the brunt.
If we make parenting burdensome, how can we hope that childhood will be
joyous?
*Dr Penelope Leach is a psychologist and author of the book Your Baby and
Child